Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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