Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can I color on your dick again?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
jump out the window naked night went bad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
