During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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