hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
