Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
