pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
