Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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