Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have tasted many bathrooms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
