I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
