You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
