Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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