We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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