You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
