I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's the barista slut.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
