Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
