I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's blow job season.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
