I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
