"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
