I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
