I'm really into asian looking animals
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
