When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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