Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
