I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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