So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
