im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he thought i was a dude.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
