so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize