Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
