Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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