You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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