At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
