sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yo dont text me then not text me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
