Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
