just tell him i said nine months
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
