meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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