Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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