I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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