I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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