no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
4 words: hood of his car
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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