Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
