Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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