Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
