I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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