Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
