omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
