Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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