i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is Oprah even human
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
