You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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