I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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