if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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