the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
