1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
