yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
