dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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