Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
