Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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