You can't special order awesome
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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