Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i will never coherently bang her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's the barista slut.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
