I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
