I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
