i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
