oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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