I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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