I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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